Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
