So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it hurts more in the daytime
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
