my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
