Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
