My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Randomize
