operation harelip BJ is a go
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
