He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My vagina just clenched in fear
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
