Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I deserve this hangover.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
