party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
