What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
