its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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