my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
