Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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