ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm always down for nudity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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