I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
