I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
