you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
