i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
