I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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