Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
