If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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