while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
