Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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