Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
