P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
