Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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