i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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