his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
