This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
