i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize