God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
