i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
