she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
