It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
