I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize