I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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