Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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