I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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