I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Randomize
