So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
