You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
