wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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