Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just gift wrapped bread.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
