so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
