2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
