is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My ass is underappreciated
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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