You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
