I'm so fucking centered right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
