i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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