DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
