And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
