just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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