My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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