I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize