Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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