Can i not drive my cunt home
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
