people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
