just come out here and I will go home with you...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
