Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
