K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
