my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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