you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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