Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
