I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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