i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
