So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
