There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
