New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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