What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
