Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize