There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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