OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
operation have a gay friend backfired
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize