Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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