I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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