Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
