No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize