watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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