Tell her she can't have a vagina
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
