The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
