I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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