Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
