so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
