i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
