My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
