Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
