It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
ttyl tear gas
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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