I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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