i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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