Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
