Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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