how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sarcasm needs its own font
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
