Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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