I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
