yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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