Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize