i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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