i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
love makes seman taste better
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We left the knife in your bed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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