Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
