Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
