just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
