I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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