Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
