are you still at the devil's house?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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